Forgiveness is often misunderstood in the context of healing from trauma. It's a concept that can be both empowering and deeply challenging. For survivors of sexual assault, the idea of forgiveness can evoke a range of emotions, from anger to confusion.

In this blog, we'll explore the true essence of forgiveness in the healing journey—debunking the myth that you must forgive those who have harmed you, emphasising the importance of self-forgiveness, and understanding how letting go can bring you peace and reclaim your power.

Debunking the Myth of Forgiving Others

Many believe that forgiveness is a necessary step in healing from trauma. However, it's crucial to understand that forgiveness does not mean absolving those who have wronged us. It's not about forgetting or condoning their actions. In fact, you do not need to forgive your abuser to heal. The idea that you must forgive those who have caused you harm is a myth that can hinder your healing process.

Forgiveness, in this context, is often misunderstood. It doesn't mean letting the perpetrator off the hook or suggesting that what happened was acceptable. Instead, it's about releasing their hold over your emotions and mental state. The real goal is to reclaim your power and not allow the perpetrator to occupy space in your mind and heart any longer. Remember, forgiveness is a personal choice, not a requirement for healing.

The Power of Self-Forgiveness

Forgiving ourselves is one of the most crucial steps in the healing journey. Self-blame and shame are often the silent burdens that survivors carry, fueled by harmful myths and societal attitudes. 

In case you need reminding, there is nothing you can ever wear, say, do, or be under the influence of that ever makes it ok for anyone to do anything to you without your express permission. The responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator, never with you.

The process of self-forgiveness involves recognising and challenging these internalised myths. It's about giving yourself the compassion and understanding that you so freely offer to others. Acknowledge that you did the best you could in an unimaginable situation and that you are not to blame for the actions of someone else.

Self-forgiveness also means allowing yourself to make mistakes in your recovery journey. Healing is not linear; it has its ups and downs. There will be times when you might feel like you've taken a step backward. During these moments, remind yourself that it's okay to stumble. What matters is that you continue to move forward with self-compassion and patience.

Letting Go for Personal Peace

The journey to healing often involves finding a way to let go of the anger and resentment that can consume your thoughts and emotions. This doesn't mean you need to forgive the person who hurt you. Instead, it's about releasing the hold that anger has over you. Holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; in the end, it’s you who gets burned. This Buddhist metaphor perfectly illustrates the importance of letting go for your own well-being.

Letting go is not about the perpetrator. It’s about reclaiming your mental and emotional space. The person who harmed you has already taken enough from you; they don't deserve to take any more of your peace. Letting go of anger and resentment can be a gradual process. It’s okay to feel these emotions, but it’s also important to recognise when they are no longer serving you and are instead holding you back.

Letting go is a deeply personal process and will look different for everyone. It may involve therapy, support groups, meditation, or other healing practices. The key is to focus on what brings you peace and helps you move forward. Remember, letting go is not a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous act of self-care and empowerment.

Forgiveness in the context of healing from sexual assault is often misunderstood. It's crucial to debunk the myth that forgiving your abuser is necessary for your healing. Instead, focus on the importance of self-forgiveness and letting go for your own peace of mind. Forgive yourself for any misplaced blame or guilt, and work towards releasing the anger and resentment that can hold you back.

Your journey to healing is uniquely yours. By letting go of what no longer serves you and embracing self-compassion, you reclaim your power and move towards a future defined by peace and resilience. Remember, you do not need to forgive your abuser to heal. What you need is to be kind to yourself, to let go of the anger for your sake, and to move forward with strength and self-love.

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