When life feels overwhelming, it can be hard to respond in the calm, measured way you might want to. For many survivors, feeling constantly on edge or completely drained is a daily battle. This is because when your brain’s alarm system—the amygdala—is stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode, it limits what you can cope with.

It’s important to be kind to yourself in these moments. You aren’t weak, and you’re not failing. Your body is simply responding to stress in the way it knows how—trying to keep you safe. But understanding how this process works can empower you to take small steps toward feeling more in control.

In this blog, we’ll explore the concept of the polyvagal ladder and how it can help you recognise where you are emotionally. We’ll also talk about gentle, practical ways to bring yourself down from heightened stress and anxiety, so you can start feeling a little more grounded, a little more at peace.

The Impact of Stress on Your Coping Ability

When your amygdala—the part of your brain responsible for responding to danger—gets stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode, it affects everything. This is your brain trying to protect you, but it also means that even normal, everyday stress can feel overwhelming. What you used to handle with ease might now feel impossible.

Imagine you’re in a constant state of high alert. Whether it’s because of a past trauma or ongoing stress, your body is reacting as though it’s in danger, and your ability to cope is significantly reduced. You might find yourself easily frustrated, unable to concentrate, or feeling like you just can’t manage simple tasks. On the flip side, you might feel completely drained, unable to do anything but lie down and shut off from the world.

This is because when the amygdala is stuck in this mode, it essentially overrides the part of your brain responsible for calm decision-making—the prefrontal cortex. You’re not able to access the same emotional resources you could before. And that’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe, but it can also leave you feeling trapped.

The good news is that knowledge is power. Understanding what’s happening in your body and mind can give you the tools to help yourself move forward. You’re not entirely at the whim of your emotions, and you can begin to take steps toward feeling more in control.

The Polyvagal Ladder and Finding Your Calm

One helpful tool in understanding your emotional state is the polyvagal ladder, a concept developed by Deb Dana, building on Dr. Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory. This theory explains how our nervous system reacts to stress, helping us to better understand our emotional and physical responses to trauma.

Imagine a ladder with rungs numbered from 1 to 10, with the bottom rungs (1 to 3) representing safety and calm, while the top rungs (8 to 10) represent extreme stress or shutdown.

When you’re stuck in the higher rungs—feeling highly anxious, overwhelmed, or completely shut down—it’s like your window of tolerance for stress has shrunk. Even the smallest stressor can push you into fight, flight, or freeze mode. You may feel like you’re bouncing between hypervigilance (constantly on edge) and hypoarousal (completely checked out).

But here's the empowering part: by recognising where you are on this ladder, you can start to make small adjustments. You might not be able to bring yourself from a 9 or 10 all the way down to a 1, but maybe you can move yourself from a 7 to a 5, or a 5 to a 3. This kind of gradual progress is realistic, achievable, and most importantly—kind to yourself.

Gentle Steps to Move Down the Ladder

So, how can you start to bring yourself down a rung or two when you're feeling overwhelmed or numb?

• Breathe: Deep, slow breathing is one of the most powerful tools for calming your nervous system. Try placing one hand on your chest and the other on your belly, focusing on making your belly rise and fall with each breath. This signals to your brain that you’re safe, helping to soothe the amygdala.
• Ground Yourself: When you feel disconnected or overwhelmed, grounding exercises can help bring you back into your body. Focus on one thing you can see, hear, feel, smell, or taste – engaging all 5 of your senses. If you like, you can build that out to seeing more than one thing, hearing three things, and so on, but to start to feel grounded, just tapping deeply into one of your senses can be very helpful.
• Move: Gentle movement, like yoga or a short walk, can help release some of the pent-up energy your body might be holding onto. It doesn’t have to be anything strenuous—just enough to shift the energy.
• Check in with Yourself: Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Maybe it’s rest, maybe it’s comfort, or maybe it’s a distraction. Simply acknowledging your needs in the moment can help you feel more in control.

Remember, it’s not about fixing everything at once. It’s about taking small steps to care for yourself and move through the day with a little more ease.

Be Kind to Yourself

Healing from trauma takes time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion. You’re not meant to handle everything perfectly, and it’s okay to feel like some days are harder than others. The important thing is that you’re showing up for yourself, even if it’s just in small ways.

By learning to recognise where you are on your own polyvagal ladder and practicing ways to calm your stress response, you’re gradually expanding your window of tolerance. Each small step you take is part of your healing, and over time, these moments of care will bring you closer to the peace you deserve.