I'm so mixed up at the moment. Life is just so much of a struggle, some days I don't feel like I can carry on. Other days I'm surprised by how I can even feel happy

[Excerpt from It Gets Better. Originally written in 2008].

I seem to be using pain to help me through, and I know that's not healthy. I need to feel safe, looked after, cared for, maybe even loved…

I don't think I’ll ever get better. I know its soon really and I know it takes time… But I just feel like a charity case.

Damaged goods.

I go into a spiral of feeling sorry for myself, hating myself, needing to hurt myself. I try so hard to do the positive things, to get better but it’s all so fragile and it all feels like such hard work… I wish I could believe in the light at the end of the tunnel…

I have so much to be grateful for. Some absolutely amazing friends. A great job that pays for a very comfortable lifestyle. I’m getting help for what happened. I just wish everything could go away, that I could turn back time, and it never happened.

Because I don't know how to stop it hurting me.

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