Healing from trauma is a profound journey, one that takes you from merely surviving to truly thriving. This path begins with a fierce struggle to hold on, navigating daily challenges that can feel overwhelming. But as healing progresses, there's a shift towards a state of thriving—where confidence, self-compassion and resilience become your guiding forces.

Let's explore the differences between surviving and thriving, helping you to identify where you are on your journey and how to move forward towards a life of greater joy and peace.

Surviving: Holding On Through the Storm

Surviving is about clinging on, feeling like every day is a challenge, and being easily knocked off course by life’s boomerangs—even the little ones. When you're in survival mode, you often feel like a warrioress, constantly fighting and transitioning between fight, flight and freeze states. It's a state where you're not just feeling like a victim, but rather a fierce fighter who is battling through each day. Here are some signs that you might be in the survival stage:

Signs of Being in Survival Mode:

Constant Alertness: You find yourself always on edge, waiting for the next problem or crisis.

Overwhelm: Daily tasks and responsibilities feel insurmountable, and you often feel overwhelmed.

Emotional Exhaustion: You feel emotionally drained and have little energy left for anything beyond basic survival.

Reactivity: Small setbacks can feel like major catastrophes, easily knocking you off balance.

Isolation: You tend to withdraw from social interactions because they feel too demanding.

Difficulty Relaxing: Relaxation feels impossible, and you might have trouble sleeping or calming your mind.

Questions to Ask Yourself:

• Do I often feel on edge or anxious, even when there’s no immediate danger?
• Do small problems feel like huge obstacles?
• Do I struggle to find joy or satisfaction in daily activities?
• Do I feel emotionally and physically exhausted most of the time?
• Am I often in a state of heightened alertness or readiness to respond to perceived threats?

Recognising these signs is the first step towards understanding where you are in your healing journey. It's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings and experiences. Remember, being in survival mode is not a failure—it's a testament to your strength and resilience. You've made it through the darkest times, and now it's about finding the light at the end of the tunnel.

Thriving: Embracing Life with Confidence and Ease

Thriving is when we feel at ease and confident in our ability to navigate life's challenges. It’s about moving beyond mere survival to a place where you trust in your inner resources and resilience. Thriving is characterised by nurturing yourself, practising self-compassion and having patience in your journey. Here are some signs that you might be in the thriving stage:

Signs of Thriving:

Emotional Stability: You experience a range of emotions without feeling overwhelmed by them. You can handle setbacks with a sense of calm.

Resilience: Life’s challenges feel manageable, and you trust in your ability to overcome them.

Self-Compassion: You treat yourself with kindness and patience, recognising that healing is a journey.

Healthy Boundaries: You establish and maintain boundaries that protect your well-being and nurture your growth.

Positive Relationships: You seek and maintain supportive relationships that uplift and empower you.

Self-Care: You prioritise self-care and engage in activities that promote your physical, emotional and mental health.

Steps to Move Towards Thriving:

• Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness exercises to stay present and connected to your emotions without being overwhelmed by them.
• Nurture Self-Compassion: Replace self-criticism with self-compassion. Acknowledge your progress and treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend.
• Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable goals that align with your values and aspirations. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.
• Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with people who understand and support your journey. Join communities, like the ReConnected Life Community, where you can share and receive support from others who “get it”.
• Engage in Self-Care Activities: Find activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could be anything from taking a walk in nature, practising yoga, journaling or indulging in a hobby you love.
• Establish Healthy Boundaries: Learn to say no when needed and protect your energy. Healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining your well-being and fostering positive relationships.

Thriving is about finding balance and joy in life, even in the face of challenges. It’s about knowing that you have the strength and resources within you to navigate whatever comes your way. By nurturing yourself and practising self-compassion, you create a fertile ground for growth and happiness.

Transitioning from Surviving to Thriving: Adopting New Behaviours

The habits and coping mechanisms that help us survive are often different from those that enable us to thrive. While survival strategies are crucial for getting through the toughest times, they may not always support our long-term growth and happiness. To move from surviving to thriving, we need to adopt new behaviours that foster resilience, joy and well-being.

In the survival stage, habits such as hypervigilance, avoidance, self-criticism and isolation can seem like necessary protections. Hypervigilance, or constantly being on high alert, can protect us in immediate danger but often leads to chronic stress and anxiety in the long run. Similarly, avoiding certain people, places or activities can help us feel temporarily safe but can severely limit our experiences and growth. Self-criticism might push us to survive tough times by setting high standards, but it hinders the development of self-love and acceptance. Isolation, while sometimes a protective measure, can prevent us from forming meaningful connections and receiving the support we need.

To transition into a state of thriving, we need to cultivate calm and gradually face our fears. Practising relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation or progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce hypervigilance and promote a sense of peace. Facing avoided situations in small, manageable steps can build confidence and resilience over time. Embracing self-acceptance is also crucial—reminding ourselves that we are worthy of love and kindness just as we are can replace harmful self-criticism. Reconnecting with trusted friends or joining supportive communities can help us build relationships that provide emotional support and enhance our sense of belonging.

In this journey, practical steps can foster thriving. Setting boundaries that protect our mental and emotional health is essential; learning to say no and prioritise our well-being is part of this process. Engaging in positive self-talk, where we challenge negative thoughts and replace them with affirmations that reinforce our strengths and achievements, can transform our inner dialogue. Pursuing passion projects and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfilment help create a sense of purpose and satisfaction. Additionally, seeking professional support from therapists or coaches who specialise in trauma recovery can provide valuable guidance, helping us navigate the transition from surviving to thriving more effectively.

Acknowledging and gradually changing unhelpful survival habits creates space for thriving behaviours that support our overall well-being. This transition requires patience, self-compassion and a willingness to embrace change. Remember, thriving is not about perfection but about progress and the continuous journey towards a more fulfilling and joyful life.

Transitioning from surviving to thriving is a journey that requires patience, compassion and the courage to adopt new habits. Each step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to your resilience and strength. Embrace this journey, knowing that you are moving towards a life filled with more joy, peace and fulfilment. Remember, you are not alone—support is available, and the thriving life you deserve is within reach.

​