Why I’m Not Attending FiLiA: Solidarity Means Standing With All Survivors

October always brings a time of deep reflection for many in the ReConnected Life community. As the FiLiA conference approaches, I find myself thinking not just about what it means to gather as women, but about who is included, and who is not, in these spaces that are meant to offer connection and hope. This year, after much soul-searching, I’ve decided not to attend FiLiA.

 

Why I Made This Choice

When I first heard about FiLiA, it struck me as a space for women to come together, share stories, and create solidarity out of our pain and our power. I’ve met some remarkable survivors through events like these in the past, and the comfort of shared understanding remains precious to me. But over recent years, I’ve become painfully aware of how these spaces aren’t always safe or welcoming for every woman. In particular, it’s been troubling to witness narratives that exclude or erase trans women and non-binary survivors.

I did not make this decision lightly. Survivor spaces matter deeply; they offer lifelines when the world feels isolating or unsafe. But when community is built on exclusion, explicit or subtle, it stops being a true sanctuary for all. Showing up authentically means listening to those who are hurting, including those who may not feel welcome. It means pausing, when necessary, rather than participating in ways that would contradict my values of inclusion and care.

 

Why Exclusion Hurts Us All

For many of us, there’s an ache that comes with being told our stories do not belong. I know it well, and I recognise it in trans women and non-binary survivors who have bravely spoken about their pain, not just from trauma, but from being pushed to the edges of spaces that should bring comfort.

Division and exclusion do not help us heal. They keep us isolated, mistrustful, and repeating harm we know too well. There is no “right type” of survivor. Our community, if it’s truly a community, must be broad enough to hold every woman: cis, trans, non-binary, and anyone whose relationship with womanhood is shaped by pain, courage, and hope.

I believe that every survivor deserves to be seen, affirmed, and welcomed, without question. To do less is to reinforce the very patterns that hurt so many of us in the first place. As the conference goes ahead this year, I stand with those who are challenging division, and with all who are still searching for sanctuary.

 

How We Build Safer Spaces, Together

If the last few years have shown us anything, it’s that compassion and inclusion require action, not just intention. In my own journey and through ReConnected Life, I remain committed to creating spaces where every survivor feels genuinely safe, especially those who are often sidelined or silenced elsewhere.

This means continually learning, unlearning, and listening. It means checking who is missing from our conversations, forging friendships with those whose stories differ from our own, and holding tight to hope that shared humanity will always matter more than any label. Supporting trans women, in particular, is not a threat to anyone’s healing, it’s foundational to true survivor solidarity.

 

The Invitation: Solidarity Without Exception

If you are feeling unsupported, unwelcome, or invisible in the face of events that claim to support women, I see you. I want ReConnected Life, and The Sanctuary especially, to be a place where no one is left behind or told they must fit a narrow definition of ‘woman’ to belong.

My hope, in stepping back from FiLiA, is not to judge or reject those who go, but to make space for a stronger, wider circle of care. Sometimes, solidarity looks like speaking up; other times, it is choosing not to show up when the room isn’t safe for everyone.

Together, we can build a world where survivor spaces do not repeat the harm of exclusion. Where every healing journey is met with compassion, and where our differences expand our capacity to care, rather than shrink it.

If you have thoughts, questions, or simply want to share what solidarity means for you right now, you are warmly invited to comment or send a message. ReConnected Life stands with all survivors, trans women emphatically included.

With care and hope,
Emily