Taming the Voices Inside

EMILY JACOB

ReConnected Life

We all have the voices inside.  The inner critic, the one who bullies you.  How do we make peace and quiet the voices that torture us and put us down, when those voices are parts of us?

This blog post was prompted by a question in the ReConnected Life Community: “I need to break the cycle of negative, self-destructive thoughts I’m getting, that are serving no purpose but make me more upset and exhausted. I can’t help but hear my own voice and it hurts.”  All humans have the inner critic, it’s a part of us, a function of our lived experiences and past scripts.  The voice is there to protect us; every time it sees us thinking about stepping out of our comfort zone, it warns us of the danger, helping us to make the pre-emptive decision not to risk being rejected, being not good enough, failing.  Yet, of course, no-one grows in the comfort zone, and so it’s well-meaning intentions actually hurt, more than the words it’s saying too.

Watch this little video where I explain more about the inner critic, how to make friends with it, and how to quiet it.

In summary:

Inner critics are strongest when we have strong desires to stay safe.

Often, we try to silence the inner critic, but that can make her scream louder.

There’s a trick to quieting her. We have to make friends with her. You see, underneath all the bullying criticism, she’s got your best interests at heart. She just goes around it all wrong. For example, my critic loves telling me I’m worthless, not doing enough, not enough. But I recognize she’s trying to get me to reject myself to protect me from the pain of others rejecting me. Her logic is flawed, but it comes from a good place.

She’s lying. But to protect you.

Step 1: thank her for her advice and opinion. Acknowledge she has your best interests at heart. Tell her you hear her.

Step 2: Tell her that you disagree, there is lots of evidence that counters her opinion. You’re going to try something else.

Step 3: Soothe the inner frightened child the inner critic has been bullying. Tell her you love her. Tell her the positives that you told the inner critic. Hold her, take her to that fun place where you used to laugh as a child. Parent her.

I know that this involves having a 3 way conversation in your mind, between the adult you, the child, the critic. But the more often you do it, the quieter the critic becomes, the less she pops up.

Some people like to talk out loud. Some inside their heads. Some write it all down, taking the on the different perspectives of each. If you write down everything the inner critic says, let it out, no censoring. Then, in a different colour, write the counter argument for each of the negative points. You’ll see, the critic is lying. But only to protect you. The comfort zone is safe. Every time we try to step out, the critic is on alert trying to protect us. But we can’t grow in the comfort zone.

In solidarity and love xx

0 Comments

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

SAFE PLACE MEDITATION

Relax & Unwind

Feeling safe is so important.  Calming our mind and our body from the constant undercurrent of fear & hyper-vigilance.
This 15 minute meditation will take you to your safe space, it will leave you feeling relaxed and empowered.
Download onto your phone, and take your safe place with you, everywhere.

ARE YOU READY TO STOP SURVIVING AND START LIVING?

I developed the ReConnected Life Experience to help people just like you move from a place of self-blame and disconnection to a place where they can look forward to what the future holds, with a happy, hopeful heart.

Get in touch

1 + 6 =

Terms of use      Acceptable use      Privacy      Cookies
© 2016 ReConnected Life Ltd    |     Website by FeelGoodAgency

Could someone you know use this advice?

1 in 6 women will experience rape or sexual abuse in their lifetime. Help me share this important work with those who need it most.

FreeDownload-ItGetsBetter-by-EmilyJacob

IT GETS BETTER

When every day is a fight for survival, it’s hard to believe that things can actually get better.

Hope is a very powerful drug; we need more of it to bolster our recoveries.

My hope is that my personal story will give you hope, that your life will get better too.

Leave your details below and I'll send you a link to download the e-book.

Check your email (or spam folder) to confirm your address.

SECURE THE PRE-LAUNCH PRICE

 

Leave your details below to secure the pre-launch price, and I will be in touch when I am close to launch. 

Check your email (or spam folder) to confirm your address.

SECURE THE PRE-LAUNCH PRICE

 

Leave your details below to secure the pre-launch price, and I will be in touch when I am close to launch. 

Check your email (or spam folder) to confirm your address.

safe-place

SAFE PLACE MEDITATION

Feeling safe is so important. Calming our mind and our body from the constant undercurrent of fear & hyper-vigilance.

This 15 minute meditation will take you to your safe place, it will leave you feeling relaxed and empowered.

Download onto your phone and take your safe space with you, everywhere.

Check your email (or spam folder) to confirm your address.

silence-hurts

SILENCE HURTS: TALK HARD

Silence hurts. It eats us from the inside. It traps us, making sure we feel isolated and alone. 

In talking, there is a taking back of control. In talking we find that we are not alone, that there are others, that others have healed, that healing is possible, that there is hope. In talking we find community.

In talking there is power. Talk hard. 

Leave your details below and I'll send you a link to download the e-book.

Check your email (or spam folder) to confirm your address.

THIS IS A HEADING

 

This is some more description if required....

Leave your details below and I'll send you a link to download the e-book.

Check your email (or spam folder) to confirm your address.